Chapter 15 — I Don't Know

_January 11, 2003, Chicago, Illinois_

🎤 Jesse {br}

{psc} "Jesse Block, this is my dad, Jamaal Rahim," Zahra said. "And this is Zaida's dad, Muhammad Khaled."

"Pleased to meet you both," I said. ""«As-salāmu ʿalaykum», Jamaal Rahim and Muhammad Khaled." {green}("Peace be unto you."){/green}

"«Wa ʿalaykumu s-salām», Jesse," Jamaal Rahim replied. {green}("And peace be unto you, too."){/green}

"You speak Arabic?" Muhammad asked.

"I know only a few phrases," I replied. "But I learned the proper greeting from Amir Khan."

"Zahra has said you are very respectful!" Mr. Rahim observed. "We would like to take you to lunch. There is a «halal» restaurant one block east of the karate school where your father teaches."

"I'd be honored," I said. "What time shall we meet?"

"11:30am, if that's OK with you."

"More than," I said. "That's about two hours, so it's plenty of time for me to put my gear away and do my chores."

"Then we will see you there,"

They left, and Nicholas and I headed out to Aunt Kara's SUV, which was so much better for hauling my goalie gear than either of my moms' cars or my dad's BMW.

"Jesse?" Simone called out, coming up to us.

"Hi! What's up?"

"Are you busy this afternoon?"

"I'm meeting some people for lunch, and I don't know how long it'll be, then I have a date."

"OK. I suppose I'll see you Monday after school."

She left, Nicholas and I loaded our gear into the SUV, then got in to head home.

————— {br}
[Oswego, Illinois]
🎤 Michael {br}

"No Andi?" Manuel asked when he, Darius, and Kevin arrived at my house on Saturday morning.

"She was getting the wrong idea!" I declared.

"If you mean what I think you mean," Darius said, "that is _never_ the wrong idea!"

He was Junior, and was sixteen and had a girlfriend.

"Too complicated," I said. "It was cool being friends, but now she made it clear she wants to kiss, and if we do that, it could totally mess up our friendship *and* robotics. Not to mention, I am not ready for a girlfriend. Matt was, but I'm not."

"So just be 'friends with benefits'!" Kevin, a Sophomore who was fifteen, said. "I'd hit that for sure!"

"You couldn't hit a barn with a baseball from five feet away!" Manuel teased.

"How about we just play video games?" I suggested. "We have two computers in the basement, plus I can borrow Matthew's laptop. Darius has his with him, so that gives us four."

"_Age of Empires_?" Kevin asked.

"Or _Anno 1602_," I suggested. "I like it better, actually.

"Minus the whole 'your people want chocolate' whining!" Darius said.

"Yeah, that's annoying," I agreed. "They can get their own chocolate!"

"Let's play _Anno_," Manuel said.

I went to Matthew's room to borrow his laptop, then the four of us went to the basement, where I plugged the laptops into the network switch, and everyone sat down to play.

————— {br}
[Chicago, Illinois]
🎤 Jesse {br}

I walked to the restaurant, wondering just how hard the two men were going to press me on talking to Imam Iqbal. It wasn't that I minded talking to him; it was that it might well lead to Zahra being told not to see me at all. I really liked her, and of all the girls I hung out with, only Luna came close. Well, there was Libby, but she was in a totally different category now that we weren't fooling around together.

I tried to work out which of my two main options had the best chance of success, even if that chance was slight. I also didn't want to mess up Birgit's homework group or her Girl Gang, but I wasn't sure that was possible. In the end, I felt agreeing to speak to Imam Iqbal had a slightly better chance of success than politely declining.

When I arrived at Ali's Shawarma Grill, I saw Zahra, Zaida, and their dads sitting at a round table, so I walked to join them. I totally wasn't surprised that the empty chair was between the two men, with their daughters sitting to their right or left.

"Hi," I said.

"Hello, Jesse," Mr. Rashid said. "Please sit."

"Thank you," I said.

The counterman came over to the table, took our orders, then began preparing them with an assistant. I hadn't been to this specific restaurant before, but I'd had Middle Eastern food several times with Yousef Khan, so I knew what I liked.

"I am not a hockey fan," Mr. Rashid said, "but the other men there said your team is one of the best in the city."

"This was a playoff game," I said. "We have two more in the group stage, then go to the knockout round, similar to football or cricket."

"I'm curious, why say 'football' when you clearly mean 'soccer'?" Mr. Khaled asked.

"That's what my friends and I call it because we follow the English Premier League and La Liga. We also watch games from Bundesliga, Serie A, and games from Central and South America. We refer to the NFL as 'gridiron' or 'American football'."

"And your career plans?" Mr. Rashid asked.

"I plan to get a business degree from UW-Madison and hopefully work for a hockey team or other sports team."

"Not play?"

"I am very good at my position, but as I've pointed out, there are more pilots on each US aircraft carrier than goalies in the NHL. The chances I could make the pros are pretty small, so I'm going to focus on my degree, play for the informal club team, and also coach if I can. I'll be coaching younger kids this Summer at hockey camp."

"Commendable. Your grades are good?"

"All A's," I replied.

It felt as if I was interviewing for a job, which, in the scheme of things, I probably was — Zahra's husband. The problem was, of course, I didn't qualify, and I'd never qualify, as neither of us had any interest in changing our faith.

"I also understand you've visited the Mosque in Bridgeview."

"Yes, for the marriage of one of my dad's employees. He stood in for her father for all the preliminaries because her father is in Los Angeles."

"But your father is not a Muslim!" Mr. Khaled protested.

"That's true," I said, "but neither Imam Iqbal nor the imam in California objected. My dad met with both of them and while it was considered irregular, it was acceptable. When she moved to Chicago, he acted as her guardian until she married. And I'm sure you know my dad was good friends with Amir Khan and helped protect him from our government."

"Yes, we're all aware of that," Mr. Rashid said. "Zahra says you are a faithful Christian."

"I'm Eastern Orthodox," I said. "We have churches and monasteries in the Middle East, and three of our Patriarchs are there; well, the Ecumenical Patriarch is in Istanbul, but the others are in Damascus and Jerusalem. As far as I'm aware, there is a good relationship."

"I believe that is true in Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon. But you understand that is not enough, right?"

"Zahra and I are friends," I said. "I understand that she has to marry a Muslim man, and I want to eventually marry an Orthodox woman or someone who will convert. I respect her and your tradition, and would hope you would continue to allow her to join us on Friday evenings. Zaida usually comes along, as does Adi binti Mussa, and Ali and Jamal, two Muslim boys. We're all friends."

"And that is commendable, but Zahra has expressed an interest in you to her mother."

I was annoyed that we were talking about Zahra while she was sitting there, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Ultimately, though, I felt it was fruitless and decided to simply lay my cards on the table.

I nodded, "I understand, and I respect your faith, but I'm a believing, practicing Christian. I've listened to what Imam Iqbal has to say, and I've read an English translation of the Qur'an, but my faith is different and is recognized as _Ahl al-kitāb_. That would, if the genders were reversed, permit a marriage, but not for us." {green}("People of the Book"){/green}

"You are remarkably well-informed," Mr. Khaled observed. "And very respectful."

"Unfortunately," Mr. Rashid said as our food arrived, "that is not enough."

We began eating, and I saw that Zahra was very sad, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. We had a polite conversation about football, hockey, and school, but it was obvious what the outcome of the lunch would be. When we finished, I thanked the men for lunch and exchanged a look with Zahra that said I sympathized. I wondered if I should say something about Birgit but felt I might do more harm than good.

I bade everyone 'goodbye', left the restaurant, then headed home to get ready for my date with Missy, who I'd have to pick up from her dad's house in Oak Park.

————— {br}
🎤 Steve {br}

"Is something bothering you?" Avanti asked as we sat side-by-side in leather wingback chairs after my private karate lesson.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"Something about your _Ātman_ has changed."

"I'm not saying you aren't right, but what is it you discern that's different?"

"What you call your vibe, or what the Chinese call _qi_, is different from the last time I saw you."

"Some things happened since I returned from California on Christmas Eve morning."

"Is it anything you can share?"

"None of it really affects you," I said.

"I believe it does," Avanti said. "If your heart is in a different place, that could change things."

"Very perceptive," I said. "You are absolutely your mother's daughter."

Avanti laughed, "As if anything else were possible! Jesse and Birgit are absolutely your kids! I know you are the guru, and I am the student, but I think it is in the best interest of our relationship for you to share."

I considered her request and decided, in the interest of true intimacy, that I could share.

"I know I don't have to say this, but I will, just so there are no misunderstandings — everything we discuss is completely confidential."

"I would never violate your confidence," Avanti said firmly. "And I know you believe that, or our plans for later this month would have been called off. They aren't, are they?"

"Nothing has changed in that regard," I replied. "On Christmas Eve day, there was a surprising revelation — I have a half-brother from my dad's first marriage, a marriage of which I was unaware. That revelation caused more than a small amount of consternation because my mom doesn't know. The details aren't important, and I seriously doubt that's what you sensed had changed."

"Your _Ātman_ is unsettled, though I don't think that's the sole cause or even the most important one. "

"Very perceptive. The genesis of my unsettled _Ātman_ would be a series of relationships that began about six years ago and culminated a week ago when a young woman left here disappointed."

"Well, unless my mom is lying about sexual intimacy with you being sublime, that means you turned her down."

"Again, very perceptive. She was a referral from a referral from a referral and had a pair of fantasies she wanted to be fulfilled. One of them was extremely enticing – the virginal babysitter seducing the dad when he drove her home. The other, which involved light bondage, was outside my comfort zone."

"I understood that was in your comfort zone."

"Your mom is quickly moving into the same zone as Penny!" I chuckled. "And while light bondage is OK within an intimate relationship, what the young woman wanted was to be tied up and ravished and lose her virginity in the process. To me, without the intimate relationship, that was too close to a rape fantasy, and I expressed my discomfort. I did offer to fulfill the other one, but she declined and left disappointed and unhappy."

"I think I can see both sides," Avanti said, "but with no actual relationship, I absolutely understand why you would decline."

"The situation was further exacerbated because when she left here, I put her in a taxi to take her to Union Station, but she ended up in Lincoln Park and disappeared. I know she made her own decision, whatever it was, but I feel some responsibility for what happened."

"Is she missing?"

"Yes. I heard from her friend, as well as the police, but given there is incontrovertible proof she left here in a taxi and was dropped off in Lincoln Park, nothing came of the police inquiry."

"She was over the age of consent?"

"Twenty," I replied.

"Has that affected your thinking about what Mom called 'dalliances'?"

"Yes, in that I've decided not to act on referrals, though, as with any rule, there is room for exceptions in special circumstances."

"Like me?" Avanti asked.

"Yes, like you. Kara suggested that six or seven hours isn't material, so we can begin as soon as you arrive on Friday the 24th."

Avanti smiled, "I'll thank her when I speak to her. It was your intent that we attend both karate training sessions on Saturday, correct?"

"Yes. That evening is Guys' Night and Girls' Night Out, and I think it makes sense if you hang out with Birgit while I play poker. Anything else risks discovery."

"That's fine, of course. You're the guru, so it's up to you."

"I'm getting old, so a rest will help!" I chuckled.

Avanti laughed softly, "And yet, you will be invigorated by imbibing of my essence, just as I will in yours."

"There are no plans for Sunday other than our weekly family dinner, and I have Monday off work. I'll ensure you're home by 4:00pm on Monday so there are no questions from your dad."

"He would only object to my choice of lover, not to taking a lover."

"Which is exactly the reason to not raise any questions. Will you and your mom be here tomorrow for Philosophy Club?"

"Yes, that's the plan."

"We'll have several new attendees, including some 'graduating' from Jesse's and Birgit's Hangout. I think that means we're close to forming a third group, as Becka said their attendance is up to twenty-two. That's something I'll need to discuss with Suzanne, Natalie, and Jackson."

"Your chief advisors?"

"With regard to Philosophy Club, yes. I do discuss other things with them, but it's mainly about Philosophy Club. They played a bigger role in the past, but now that my marriage has stabilized and is in its final configuration, my wives provide the best advice."

"Mom used to do that for you, right?"

"Yes, and she was a huge help, though I didn't internalize much of what she taught me. That finally happened when I spent five weeks in Japan at Dōjō Hisakawa Hiro. It could be successfully argued that is when I finally grew up."

"Men do seem to take much longer to mature than women, both physically and mentally."

"I think at least part of the mental delay is social conditioning," I said. "My boys are basically as mature as my girls."

"Your family situation is unique, though I would say my brother is more mature than most of his friends."

"Which makes sense, given who your parents are. Your dad is much more socially conservative but does not appear to disagree with your mom on core values."

"If that had been the case, they would never have married. Of course, if you had been willing to be Hindu, Mom would have married you, but then I would not exist!"

"Even setting aside that unfortunate consequence, your mom and I are both where we need to be. The only regret is that we were out of touch for an extended period of time, mainly because your dad is uncomfortable with the situation at the Compound. That said, nothing prevented me from staying in touch with your mom."

"And yet, you did, when the time was right, and when I needed you to come into her life."

"I'm curious: what would you have done if that had not happened?"

"Asks the man who refuses to answer 'What if?' questions!"

I chuckled, "Yeah, well…"

"More than likely, I would have waited until I was seventeen, then sought out a well-regarded man in the Indian community as my guru. Of course, things didn't go exactly as planned, as you know I had hoped to consummate our relationship nearly a year ago."

"And yet, I believe we made the right decision."

"I do as well. Achieving true intimacy is the key to sublime physical pleasure."

"I agree."

————— {br}
🎤 Birgit {br}

Tomás and Libby had come to the house after karate, and we'd spent two hours fooling around, but then Tomás had something to do with his family, so Libby and I left the house together to meet the Girl Gang plus some school friends at Starbucks.

"What's bugging you, Birgit?" Libby asked as we walked.

"I don't know," I replied. "Just something feels 'off'."

"You mean with Tomás? Or me? Or both of us?"

"That's just it; I'm not sure. What did you notice that made you ask?"

"You weren't your usual self when we were fooling around. It was more like you were going through the motions. I don't think Tomás noticed, but he's a boy, and they aren't exactly the most clued-in on the planet. What's wrong?"

"I have no idea. It's absolutely not doing stuff with you if that concerns you."

"No, it doesn't. I mean, you were with Lilibeth before you were with a guy and with Marcella after you were with a guy, and you haven't been reluctant."

I giggled, "Me? Reluctant about having sex? About as soon as my dad is!"

"Actually, he's way more careful than I think you know," Libby observed. "You heard what Rachel said, and you know what I said."

"Are you saying I'm not careful enough?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure that's the way I'd put it. If something is off or missing, then you're doing something…suboptimally, I think that's a better word than 'wrong'. May I make an observation?"

"I just had my tongue in your pussy, and you had yours in mine, so I think you're entitled!"

Libby laughed, "When you put it that way, yeah! I think you want more than just fucking. I think that was obvious when Peter decided he wanted Julie as his girlfriend. And then you were working on Philip, but he broke up with you because you weren't willing to limit yourself in any way. I'm not saying doing that was wrong in a moral sense, but maybe your goals are wrong. Or, perhaps, what you say are your goals aren't what you need. There is a difference."

"Maybe," I said.

"What's missing?" Libby asked. "You have a great family, great friends, a boy you personally trained to pleasure you, a girl who wants to fool around with you, and me who wants to have threesomes."

"You mean Lilibeth? Or someone else?"

"Lilibeth. She totally has the hots for you!"

"Sorry."

Libby laughed, "About what? I know Lilibeth and I aren't going to be long-term. It'll end when she goes back to Boston, if not before. Our life goals aren't compatible, but we enjoy each other's company. I totally wouldn't be upset if you guys were together."

"I'm not sure I want to be one-on-one with a girl," I said.

"What _do_ you want, Birgit?"

"I actually have no idea," I admitted as we reached Starbucks.

————— {br}
🎤 Steve {br}

"Hi, Steve!" Allyson said when I walked up to the ER entrance. "Where are your other wives?"

"Suzanne is out with her friends, and Kara had a departmental dinner," I said.

"Does that mean you're available?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

I chuckled, "Where are your cohort in crime and Jessica?"

"Both changing. Jess just finished a grueling surgery on a gang banger who took three rounds to the abdomen, and Lucy just admitted an MVA. They'll be ten minutes, so I came out to chat when I saw you walk up. Big plans for tonight?"

"Nope. Just a quiet evening at home. You?"

"My usual Saturday night — a warm blanket, a glass of wine, takeout, and Netflix!"

"When did you graduate medical school?" I asked.

Allyson laughed, "Nice way of asking how old I am! 1989."

"Age is a construct," I said. "My dad is almost twenty years older than my mom. You're in good shape and look great for _any_ age."

"Flatterer! This bod has more than a few miles on it since I graduated High School!"

"Medical school and Residency will do that to you! But you're in good shape."

"Not as good as you! Jess says you run five or six times a week and train three or four times at your dōjō?"

"Yes. But I'm starting to feel age creep up on my body, too. But so far, so good!"

"Men age MUCH more gracefully if they exercise," Allyson said. "Men in their fifties and sixties are considered 'handsome' and even 'sexy'. It's tough to find a woman who is sexy in her sixties!"

"Sexiness is in the eye of the beholder," I said.

"Maybe, but a woman in her fifties can't compete with one in her twenties!"

"Oh, I bet there are some! And ask Ben Franklin about that!"

Allyson laughed, "I remember reading he advised men to stay away from the young, sexy ones because they were immature, clingy, and demanding, while older women were mature and grateful for the attention!"

"Makes sense, doesn't it?" I asked as Jessica and Lucy came out of the ER.

"Hi, Tiger!" she exclaimed.

I held out my arms, and we hugged and exchanged a soft kiss.'

"Can anyone do that?" Allyson asked.

"Go for it, if you dare!" Jessica said with a silly smile. "He has a waiver!"

I laughed and rolled my eyes in the best Birgit fashion as Allyson presented herself for a hug and soft kiss, and then Lucy did the same.

"Tiger, do you mind if we invite the girls to dinner?"

"That's up to you," I said. "There's stew that Yuriko made and bread Ashley made. It was just going to be the two of us because everyone else is out, but there's plenty of food."

"Allyson, Lucy? Join us!" Jessica offered.

They agreed, I took Jessica's hand, and we set off for the house.

————— {br}
🎤 Jesse {br}

I had picked up Missy, and we met Matthew, Chelsea, Mitch, and Fangsu at Bacino's on Wacker for pizza.

"That was a great game this morning," Matthew said.

"Thanks. Two more games in the group stage. Will you be there?"

"Not next weekend; we're going to Ohio. We'll be at the one after."

"What's in Ohio?" Mitch asked.

"We're going to see friends," Chelsea said. "Matt and I both have family there, too."

"Matthew, when's your next drama production?" I asked.

"It's _Fiddler on the Roof_, March 6th through 9th," Matthew replied. "Just let me know which night you're coming if you aren't coming with Dad."

"OK. I'll talk to my moms and see what they want to do and let you know. What role do you have?"

"Tevye."

"And Maggie is Golde?" Matthew asked.

"No. She doesn't have a part. She's had some personal problems and is dealing with them. Tara is going to be Golde."

"Do you get every lead role?" Missy asked.

"In musicals, pretty much."

"That's pretty cool! It seems like all your siblings are talented. What about your little brother?"

"Robotics club and computer club."

"So he takes after your dad, then?"

"I don't know about that," Matthew said. "Dad is a software guy, but Michael is more about hardware."

"What are we doing after dinner?" Fangsu asked.

"We wanted to see _Catch Me if You Can_," Chelsea said. "Birgit saw it and said it was pretty good."

Everyone agreed, and when we finished our pizza, we headed to the theatre.

————— {br}
🎤 Steve {br}

"How about a sauna?" Jessica asked after we finished dinner.

I almost laughed because I knew it was Jessica's way of teasing me.

"And do your co-workers know how we use the sauna?"

"We're all medical professionals, Tiger!"

I laughed, "And this is not a medical setting! I know for a _fact_ doctors can be very sexy when they put their minds to it! I'll leave the decision to the three of you."

"If you're worried about us, don't be!" Lucy declared. "Back in college, we were pretty wild, and being naked in a sauna is tame compared to some of the stuff we did!"

"Then let me go turn on the heating unit," I said.

I went downstairs, set the sauna controls, and filled the oak bucket with water. Once I'd done that, I went back upstairs.

"About ten minutes, and it'll be hot enough to create steam," I said.

"Tiger, I did switch my hours starting in June," Jessica said. "Tuesday through Saturday, 6:00am to 4:00pm, as we discussed. And starting in June, I get three weeks of vacation time."

"As I said, you have to decide your hours, but I'm happy you'll be home earlier and have Sundays free. And the extra week of vacation will be nice. Did you get the week in August for our trip to Iron Mountain?"

"Yes. I also took the week between Christmas and New Year's when you have off. That leaves a week, but I may use those a day at a time."

"Whatever you need, Jess."

"He is very compliant!" Lucy observed.

"Tiger's philosophy is that everyone should do what makes them happy, and it makes him happy when I'm happy!"

"And that applies to everything?" Allyson asked with a smirk.

"Tiger knows the girl always _cums_ first!" Jess declared.

"As it should be!" Lucy declared.

"And second, and third, and fourth…" I added with a smug grin.

"I should make you prove that!" Allyson declared.

"Ask Jess," I chuckled.

"For a reference? Or for permission?"

"Yes," I chuckled. "Anyway, the sauna should be warm enough by the time we undress and go in."

The four of us went downstairs, and Jessica and I began undressing near the closet with the towels, and her friends followed suit. Everyone grabbed a towel and went into the sauna. The girls spread their towels and sat down while I went over to the heating unit and ladled water on the rocks. Steam rose immediately and began filling the room, so I went to sit next to Jessica.

Both doctors were in great shape. The blonde Allyson had what I would call a typical Midwestern build, soft but not fat, while the red-haired Lucy was more athletic and, to my delight, sported neatly trimmed reddish-orange pubic hair.

"Do you always go into the sauna naked with strange women?" Allyson asked with a smirk.

"Well, I'm in here with Jess all the time, so…" I teased.

"Watch it, Tiger!" Jessica growled, feigning a threat.

"If the shoe fits…" I chuckled.

"Is he always like this?" Lucy asked.

"This is Tiger being tame!" Jessica said. "You should hear him with the kids! And they give as good as they get."

"So does he, to hear you tell it!" Allyson smirked.

"You're welcome to ask for a demonstration," Jessica declared.

"Here?" Allyson asked. "Really?"

Lucy laughed, "Asks the girl who had sex in front of six of her friends and watched two girls lose their virginities with an audience!"

I laughed, "The late 70s and early 80s were a lot of fun! High school and college aren't nearly the same these days."

"AIDS really put a damper on the sexual revolution," Lucy observed.

"And that's why I put the rules in place that allow Tiger to prowl the savannah!" Jessica declared.

"It's the female cats who prowl," I chuckled. "The males lay around and service the females!"

"How DO you put up with him?" Lucy asked.

Jessica laughed, "He curls my toes! And all kidding aside, he takes very good care of me. I wouldn't be here without him."

"I had help," I said.

"What do you think, Lucy?" Allyson asked.

"I think Paul would be _very_ unhappy," Lucy said. "You, on the other hand, have no such restrictions."

"No disrespect, Allyson; bummer for you, Tiger! Red hair, green eyes, athletic build, and small boobs with red pubic hair are your sweet spot!"

"Hah!" Allyson smirked. "This blonde has an advantage I bet neither of you has!"

"Oh?" Jessica asked.

"As if I'm going to tell! Steve could find out if he's interested."

"I haven't heard you ask Jessica, not to mention the core requirement and the necessary rules waiver."

"In my forty years, I have never once asked a woman for permission to sleep with her husband!" Allyson declared. "Talk about weird!"

"So, I'll be your first?" Jessica teased, causing the rest of us to laugh.

"Most of us girls never experimented that way, though the two girls I mentioned before who lost their virginities with an audience ended up in a relationship for a time. One of them married a doctor and moved to Ohio. The other had a kid with a guy but has been in a long-term relationship with a girl for close to two decades."

"There were actually three who lost their virginity in front of the group," Lucy interjected. "We just didn't know about the third until afterwards."

"You're right, of course," Allyson said. "I was thinking of the two who announced it!"

"Bold!" I declared. "But, been there, done that!"

"OF COURSE YOU HAVE!" Lucy exclaimed.

"Sorry you're going to miss out?" Allyson teased.

"Miss out on what?" Lucy teased. "I haven't heard you ask!"

Allyson rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Jess, could I get permission to fuck your husband?"

————— {br}
🎤 Birgit {br}

"It's weird," I said to Libby as we walked home from Rachel's, where we'd had pizza.

"What?" Libby asked.

"All the drama around sex has been with guys! Never with girls."

"Come to the dark side; we have cookies!" Libby smirked.

I laughed, "You play for _both_ teams!"

"Yes, and my relationship with Lilibeth is stable, and she's not jealous. But I thought things were good with Tomás."

"I know, but…shoot. I actually don't know."

"Maybe you should take a step back, figure out what you _actually_ want, then try to achieve it instead of being led around by your clit!"

"Hey!" I protested.

"Deny it!" Libby said. "I _dare_ you! I _double-dog_ dare you!"

She had a point, unfortunately.

"I can't," I sighed.

"Have you considered that having a steady boyfriend might be the cure for what ails you?"

"But I hate the idea of being tied down!"

"Unless it's being tied down by an older, experienced guy who would ravish you for hours?"

I laughed, "Yeah, besides that!"

"Seriously, why not just be Tomás' girlfriend? He's very happy with the threesomes, and I bet you anything he wouldn't object to you being with Lilibeth if you wanted."

"I know she wants to," I said. "She promised to make me scream!"

Libby laughed, "She has the best tongue on the planet! I know this might be TMI, but Jesse is awesome, and she's better!"

"And my dad?" I asked with a smirk.

Libby laughed, "I think Rachel has told you more than you should probably know about that! Do you really want the answer?"

I thought about it for a few seconds, then shook my head, "No."

"I bet if you ask Tomás, he'll agree, and I'm positive you've told him about going to Sweden."

"I have. And I think you're right, but he can never spend the night. I really like that."

"I think the only chance you had for that was Peter."

"Life sucks," I groused.

"No, it doesn't. May I make an observation that might bug you?"

"Sure."

"Your dad spoiled you, and you think the world revolves around you. It doesn't. You can't bend everything to your will and have to deal with reality."

"You aren't the first person to say that to me," I admitted. "But there's a problem with your idea — I asked Bob to go with me to Saint Martin in March."

"Then you have to decide, Birgit."

"If I tell him 'no' at this point, I'll wreck even our friendship. I did that once to him already."

"And he won't be your steady boyfriend?"

"I think he might have before; now I'm not sure because of how badly I messed up."

"Take some time, figure out what you want, then make a plan, Birgit. That's all you can do."

————— {br}
🎤 Steve {br}

"So, about this advantage?" I asked Allyson as we walked into the Playroom.

"You'll need lube," she smirked.

"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt!"

"Not THAT, you nut! What is it with guys and anal?"

I chuckled, "Except on rare occasions, it's the girls who ask for that! And I know a couple girls who really get off on it! I can take or leave it. So why the lube?"

"At forty, I bet you I'm tighter than your typical fifteen-year-old virgin!"

"There's never a fifteen-year-old virgin around when you need one!" I teased.

Allyson laughed, "You'll have to go to Europe for that, at least to stay out of trouble!"

"I know. Again, been there, done that! I'm going to guess it's not vaginismus."

"That's psychological, and I have ZERO aversion to penetrative sex! According to my gynecologist, my bulbospongiosus muscles are larger, closer together, and stronger than typical. I also have a very strong pubococcygeus muscle. All of that led to a LONG labor and delivery, but also extremely pleasurable sex both for me and my partners! The bulbospongiosus muscle aids in clitoral erection."

"The lube is in the drawer of the nightstand just behind you."

Allyson opened the draw, extracted the tube, and set it on the nightstand.

"STI test? Check. Birth control? Vasectomy and tubal ligation. Permission? Granted!"

"Then what are we waiting for?" I asked.

"Well, in _that_ condition, your phallus is of no use to either of us!"

"I'm sure an ER doctor has a prescription for that!"

Allyson rolled her eyes theatrically, "The only thing guys think about!"

"Not even CLOSE to true! And there are any number of ways to achieve the desired reaction without your mouth touching there! In fact, I'll prove it to you!"

I pulled her to me, and we exchanged a soft French kiss. I maneuvered her onto the bed, then climbed in. I positioned myself so my face was over her chest, lowered my mouth to one of her breasts, planted a kiss on each nipple, then took the left one into my mouth and sucked gently while teasing it with my tongue. After a minute, I switched to her other breast. A minute later, I kissed my way down her body, nuzzled my nose in her blonde pubic hair, and planted a kiss on her clitoral hood.

I kissed the inside of her thighs, then ran my tongue along her plump labia, get my first taste of her musky juices. When I pressed my tongue into her a minute later, it confirmed her earlier statements, and the erection caused by tasting her became almost painfully hard, anticipating the feel of what was sure to be an extremely tight fit. Patience being a virtue, I delayed my own physical gratification to bring her off twice with my mouth.

After her second orgasm, I sat up, grabbed the lube, slathered it on my glans and shaft, then rubbed some along Allyson's engorged labia. I closed the tube, set it on the nightstand, and moved between Allyson's legs. I grasped my shaft, rubbed my glans along her labia, kissed her, then slowly pushed forward.

The fit was _tight_, and it took a dozen short strokes to fully embed myself in her.

"Damn," I breathed as her extremely tight tunnel grasped my throbbing shaft.

"Like that?" She smirked.

"Yeah," I breathed, savoring the sensations.

"Good! Now, fuck my brains out!"